Here is how Wikipedia describes it: Saudade is a Portuguese word that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or deeply melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return. Saudade was once described as “the […]
I admit it. I am dreading Mother’s Day on May 12. The stores are full of big displays of pink and yellow. The restaurants are promoting their brunches. I am trying to ignore the whole thing. I am trying to figure a way to disappear that day, away from any signs of celebrations. We never
Dichotomy. Distractions. The myth of closure. Read More »
Everyone, including grief counselors, have told me to take my time. For the most part I have been avoiding it, figuring there was no rush. Now, two and a half months after my mom died, I am finally turning my attention to the process of going through my mom’s things. My initial strategy had been
They say the first year is the hardest as you slog through each anniversary, birthday, and holiday without your loved one for the first time. One article I read a couple years ago said, in fact, it was the second year that was harder. The first year, your friends and loved ones are still watching
I have spent a little time going through cabinets and cleaning some things out. I have been focused on clearing out the medical stuff, the record of her poor health over the years. I joked with Greg that it seemed she had enough materials to start her own clinic—a collection of thermometers, bags of bandages,
I’m starting a meditation class tonight. I believe it will give me the opportunity to sit. Simply sit. No computer or iPad or iPhone. No dinner to make. No phone ringing. No other activity going on around me. What I hope it will also do is help me to find clarity about my direction. My
Finding True North Read More »
You can enter only halfway into the dark forest before you begin to come out the other side.
Today was my first day “back at work.” I have been re-visiting old emails and notes to see where I left off before my world changed. It’s strange to see my own emails in the days leading up to January 25, when I rushed mom to the emergency department at 5 AM. I read them
From sundown on Friday, March 1 to sundown on March 2 is National Day of Unplugging. This is how it’s described: Do you have multiple cell phones? Take your ipad to the beach on vacation? Ever find it hard to get through a conversation without posting an update to Facebook? Is your computer always on?
Mom would have turned 75 years old today. We had been talking about a birthday party, either in SF or at her house in Napa. I offered to rent a beach house where she could see the ocean from the sofa. In the weeks before she suffered her final health crisis, she hesitated to make
Happy Birthday, Mom Read More »