I’m starting a meditation class tonight. I believe it will give me the opportunity to sit. Simply sit. No computer or iPad or iPhone. No dinner to make. No phone ringing. No other activity going on around me. What I hope it will also do is help me to find clarity about my direction. My […]
Finding True North Read More »
Today was my first day “back at work.” I have been re-visiting old emails and notes to see where I left off before my world changed. It’s strange to see my own emails in the days leading up to January 25, when I rushed mom to the emergency department at 5 AM. I read them
Mom would have turned 75 years old today. We had been talking about a birthday party, either in SF or at her house in Napa. I offered to rent a beach house where she could see the ocean from the sofa. In the weeks before she suffered her final health crisis, she hesitated to make
Happy Birthday, Mom Read More »
It hits me at different times, for different reasons. But with each little “milestone,” the emotions and sense of loss fill my chest. I spent most of the day yesterday alone at mom’s house. I’ve been surrounded and supported by loving friends and family for the last two weeks. But I felt I needed some
I often joked with mom that whatever flowers I were to give would be given in life when she could appreciate them. That said, if those who cared for her are so moved, I would suggest the following as places to send memorial gifts in lieu of flowers: Her name is Maria Herminia Avila St.
My mother passed away this morning at 6:40, with me and my dearest sister-friend Jenn at her side. Her breathing had gotten very hard, like she was climbing a mountain. But this morning something changed. As we looked at her, she opened her eyes, took one last breath and stopped. A look of softness came
This last year has rattled my foundation to the core. I have seen my mother suffer the indignity of disease, disability and invasive treatments. I have watched her suffer, and have thrown my anger toward any god that would do that to her — the person who least deserves it, who obediently did everything she
Mom continues her fight, confounding the nurses and doctors. Today makes a week that she had surgery. She has not spoken or engaged with us since we brought her home. I am reassured by the hospice team that she seems comfortable. The vigil continues.